OLD Flatland Amateur Radio Transmitting Society
"OLD F.A.R.T.S"
Established 1998
Copyright 1998
All Rights Reserved

The purpose of the Old Flatland Amateur Radio Transmitting Society is to have fun and take nothing to seriously.  I am tired of Amateur Radio clubs and all the political wrangling.  I have quit them and decided to turn into a real old fart.  So, in an effort to make a club pleasing to me and others, I started this Society as a anti-club club.

The Society is based in Kansas...thus the term "Flatland."  It can happen anywhere if you have a flat space on your property.  Anyone can join the Society and become a member.  Membership is rather loose and depends on if we like you or not with a few added points.  How's that for "elitism."  Lets look at the Society.  Remember, OLD F.A.R.T.S. is an anti-club club.
"If you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!"
There will be no officers. There will be no Society frequency.  Make your own.
There will be no dues. Family comes before the Society, Ham Radio, or just about anything else.
There will be no newsletter. Contesting, DXing, chasing various awards, traffic handling are highly encouraged.
There will be no club station. Society members will never use foul language on the bands. (This is just bad for Ham Radio)
There will be no club T-Shirts. Society members will be eager to help anyone interested in our way of life (You should have that by  now).
There will be no club emergency communications vehicle. Teenagers are to be encourage into Ham Radio and away from these damn computers.
There will be no damn club repeater on any of the geek bands. Society Members must bathe before going to a hamfest or church. Phew!

I repeat, there will be no damn club repeater on any of the geek bands.

 If you have to, you can talk about your ailments, but you should never talk about bodily fluids.
You must operate primarily below 30 Mhz.

Hemorioids are not ragchewing discussion points.
Waivers can be made for those Hams who operate above 30 Mhz using SSB or CW. Society members do not drink beer and then go mobile.
FM operation is discouraged except while travelling, during Tornado Warnings, or DX Spotting. Members in good standing will always look for antennas and towers when they travel.
No one has a handle, everyone has a name in the Society. Members are encouraged (when travelling) to get off the Interstate or the main road and take a detour to tower and antennas locations.
FM Simplex is the official mode if you have to operate FM above 30 Mhz. Building your own equipment is cool with Society members.
You must attend one ham radio event a year which could be Dayton or having coffee with a buddy. You do not have to have a call sign license plate on any or all of your vehicles.
You must operate in a "national" event at least once a year; i.e. FD, SS, SKN, NAQP, yadda, yadda You must have one additional hobby or interest other than ham radio. Makes us OLD F.A.R.T.S well rounded individuals. :>)
CW is highly encouraged, but SSB operators are not second class citizens. OLD F.A.R.T.S. can be any age as long as they adhere to all the rules.
Digital communication is OK as long as it is not that "packet racket."   PSK31 and all the cooler stuff is encouraged. Your spouse does not have to be a ham, but they sure damn well be understanding about the hobby. Members will be sympathetic to members who are not fortunate in this area.
You must have a ham radio baseball cap. No Exceptions! OLD F.A.R.T.S. are patriotic with a great sense of humor.
HF Amplifiers are not needed but highly encouraged. A member's weight will never be discussed on or off the air.
Tall ugly big mother towers are not needed but highly encouraged. Members should know Ohm's Law and how to apply it in their lives.
VHF Whips on your car are not allowed, but something like a Texas Bug Catcher is encouraged. Code speeds over 30 wpm are highly encouraged, but members should QRS when needed. It is highly encouraged to adapt your speed to the person you are working.
A CW Paddle in the car makes you cool with Society members. Contesting is respected and all members should particiapte in a contest once.
Admission to the Society is by nomination with Ham Radio Resume.  You may email me your resume and I can nominate you. Society members will always help other hams. Society members should not help those hams who are know-it-alls, power hungry in the club, or just downright jerks.
The Society will never meet en mass. Society members share thier experiences and expertise
Society members are encouraged to have improptu meetings on any band below 30 Mhz. Society members keep abreast of what is happening in ham radio, the world, and what are the coolest rigs on the market today.

OLD F.A.R.T.S. Certificate of Membership

If you have more requirements for OLD F.A.R.T.S., please email me and I will consider them.